It was 1996. It was the Fool's day. Shikha arrived late at night. Just when all of us had broken into a sigh of relief, came a message that the doctor wanted to see me. "Well, she is a different child. She is not like other normal children. She is a "down syndrome". She will require a lot of help and support. " This is all the doctor had to tell me.
For the next three days, all I could think of is to keep the news completely to myself (I did not even break it to Pratima, my wife). I remember visiting the British Council Library on the very next day, to find out what exactly this thing called "down syndrome" was; only to return with more questions than answers.
The experience that we (Pratima & myself) went through in the next six months are still etched in out memory. These experiences have made us realise that the best time to help the parents of a special child is when they get to know about their child's situation. It is very natural for the parents to go through the following phases:
Denial - How can this happen to our child?
Anger - Why me?
Guilt - I/we are responsible for this
Enquiry - Let me find out more about this
It is only after one has gone through these states, that one begins to "accept" the situation. In our case, it took us nearly six months before we could keep the emotions out of our mind and say "Okay. So my child is a "special" child. What can I do to make the most of what she has."
Shikha, now 13, is such a bundle of joy. Without exaggerating, I can say she has a wider circle of influence that myself, Pratima and Shreya (my elder daughter) put together. As adults, we find it difficult to relate to others without putting them into "mental pigeon-holes". Possibly this is our greatest disability and Shikha's greatest ability. She can relate to people without applying any colour of the past.
Someone, in some corner of this world may be going through the moments that I went through on 1st April 1996. I would like them to do what I could not - Celebrate. Your child with Down Syndrome is actually a precious gift from Almighty.
Yes, the child has an extra pair of chromosomes.
Yes, the arrival of the child means you will need to re-calibrate your plans.
Yes, you will need to invest a lot of time in your child - especially during the formative period.
You can choose to live this experience with some of the negative feelings that I described above. Or you can choose to ENJOY this opportunity to make a difference to your child. Believe me, when your child grows up, you will find out all the sacrifices made by you, all the efforts invested by you, have paid off. You will realise you have not missed anything while making these "sacrifices". You will realise that the life has become richer for you and has brought you closer to the true meaning of life.
Got similar experience(s) to share? Would love to hear from you.
