It was 1996. It was the Fool's day. Shikha arrived late at night. Just when all of us had broken into a sigh of relief, came a message that the doctor wanted to see me. "Well, she is a different child. She is not like other normal children. She is a "down syndrome". She will require a lot of help and support. " This is all the doctor had to tell me.
For the next three days, all I could think of is to keep the news completely to myself (I did not even break it to Pratima, my wife). I remember visiting the British Council Library on the very next day, to find out what exactly this thing called "down syndrome" was; only to return with more questions than answers.
The experience that we (Pratima & myself) went through in the next six months are still etched in out memory. These experiences have made us realise that the best time to help the parents of a special child is when they get to know about their child's situation. It is very natural for the parents to go through the following phases:
Denial - How can this happen to our child?
Anger - Why me?
Guilt - I/we are responsible for this
Enquiry - Let me find out more about this
It is only after one has gone through these states, that one begins to "accept" the situation. In our case, it took us nearly six months before we could keep the emotions out of our mind and say "Okay. So my child is a "special" child. What can I do to make the most of what she has."
Shikha, now 13, is such a bundle of joy. Without exaggerating, I can say she has a wider circle of influence that myself, Pratima and Shreya (my elder daughter) put together. As adults, we find it difficult to relate to others without putting them into "mental pigeon-holes". Possibly this is our greatest disability and Shikha's greatest ability. She can relate to people without applying any colour of the past.
Someone, in some corner of this world may be going through the moments that I went through on 1st April 1996. I would like them to do what I could not - Celebrate. Your child with Down Syndrome is actually a precious gift from Almighty.
Yes, the child has an extra pair of chromosomes.
Yes, the arrival of the child means you will need to re-calibrate your plans.
Yes, you will need to invest a lot of time in your child - especially during the formative period.
You can choose to live this experience with some of the negative feelings that I described above. Or you can choose to ENJOY this opportunity to make a difference to your child. Believe me, when your child grows up, you will find out all the sacrifices made by you, all the efforts invested by you, have paid off. You will realise you have not missed anything while making these "sacrifices". You will realise that the life has become richer for you and has brought you closer to the true meaning of life.
Got similar experience(s) to share? Would love to hear from you.
Have been with special kids for 4 months during my college interns; and they are truly special. Accompanied by a college friend, we visited Punarvas, a school for special children at Malad, every Monday, Wednesday & Friday.
ReplyDeleteWe were amazed at every step for what they could do. We were taking care of children in the age groups 6-12 years. We would teach them how to write numbers. Very few of them could write till 50. Most were in the range of 10-25. We would hold their hands and write the same number along with them several times. At times, we were strict but realizing the situation we were in.... we were again with them.
The best part was their annual function (it happens on 3rd saturday of Jan every year). A group of arount 30 children had performed Lazim - a rhythmic dance peformed using specific props. The moment it began, lights flashed and people stood still with joy. It was a moment beyond happiness. Our eyes filled with tears by their accomplishments and a sense of pride.
As they approached the stage we could feel the happiness around and it felt as if there were sudden positive vibes all around. Those claps from the audience, the cheering, the encouragement.... everything was so positive. That was our final day for our interns. They knew there were would be new faces next year.
I still remember the small boys - Akshay & Sachin. The moment they saw us anywhere in the school, they would run to us, hug us and the joy of those heavenly faces is beyond description. They waited on every alternate days for us to come.
In the morning, all the children would stand in the school premises for their morning prayers - Humko Mann Ki Shakti Dena....!!
Holding their hands and taking them to their classrooms, performing plays for them, acting out stories within the class (the monkey and the capsellar was Akshay's fav.)... everthing just disconnected you from the rest of the world that portrays only stress.
I am glad that even though the interns are over, we (myself and 3 other friends) always make time for them atleast 3 times in a month.
This is were real happiness lies... WITH THEM... u just give them a smile and you will surprised with how much love they shower on you...!!
GOD BLESS SPECIAL CHILDREN....!!